[Watch This Space III]

Ever been hit with a knuckleduster? Well I have as of last night and I can't say I recommend it. After watching the Carling Cup Final last night my two mates and I went to a karaoke bar where, unbeknown to us, there were a bunch of pissed up Blues [Birmingham City] fans with knuckledusters looking for a fight to outnumber and batter some unarmed people with weapons.

In case any of my American followers were wondering the Carling Cup Final is a football [soccer] competition held at the countries biggest football [soccer] stadium which, as my English followers will know, gives every dickhead from all around the country the urge to fight. I'll be getting back to my to my normal posts once my head gets back to it's original size.

....and they wonder why we'll never host the World Cup.

.... the first rule is you do not talk about this review.

Onto my third classic and retro movie, a movie which is easily one of my favorites and is one of the greatest movies ever made. I know that cover the 'classic' part, and although the movie is considered quite modern it is now 12-years old making it (in my books) retro. Today I shall be reviewing the 1999 classic, Fight Club.

The movie stars an un-named Edward Norton as a lonely, bored insomniac who feels his life is pointless and lacks any real direction. After losing all of his possessions in a explosion at his apartment, Norton phones up his 'single-serving' soap salesman friend Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt) for a drink. After getting rather philosophical at the bar about the true reason for living Norton and Pitt decide to fight each other, after a few bouts the duo start to have people want to join in with their fighting and thus start a 'Fight Club'

That description will have done the movie no justice whatsoever, but that is about as far as I can get into it without spoiling the movie for any body who hasn't seen it. What I can say is that this movie will make you think about what life means to you an by the time the credits role you will immediately realise why this movie is such a big deal. On top of this, the  movie has an almost unlimited potential for quotes with every other sentence being note worthy; a few example include:

"We're a generation of men raised by women, I'm wondering if another woman is really what we need?"

"I say never be complete, I say stop being perfect"

"If you died right now, how would you feel about your life?"

"Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of Raymond K. Hessel's life. His breakfast will taste better than any meal you and I have ever tasted."

"I am Jack's complete lack of surprise"

"The first rule of Project Mayhem is that you don't ask questions, sir."

Like I said I'm really quite limited on what I can say without ruining the movie, so check it out yourself  and I won't have to worry about it.

...his name is Robert Paulson, his name is Robert Paulson,  his name is Robert Paulson....

.... it's not bad, it's just drawn that way

Day two of my classic retro movie reviews and I shall be reviewing one of the movies I used to watch every day when I was a kid, which was coincidentally released the same year I was born. Who Framed Roger Rabbit is one of the all time great movies and was one of the first movies to bridge the gap between the normal Hollywood movies of its day and the cartoons which were tremendously popular in the late eighty's.

The movie itself is based around a cartoon star, Roger Rabbit, who is accused of murdering one of L.A's most powerful men, Marvin Acme. It is at this point washed up detective, Eddie Valiant, works with Rodger to help clear his name although he does so reluctantly because a it was cartoon character killing his brother that caused his drinking problems and eventually bankruptcy.

For those few of you who haven't seen this movie must be wondering how you can take movie which such a bleak storyline and make one of history's greatest comedy. The answer is simple; just add some cutting edge (for the time) animation, a world class cast and as many cartoon references as you can.

This movie wouldn't have been anywhere near as good if it wasn't for Bob Hoskins and Christopher Lloyd, not to mention Charles Fleischer who manages to make Rodger Rabbit hilarious without having to rip-off any other well known cartoons. If you've already seen this movie I hope this review will tempt you into watching it again, and if you haven't seen this movie then this should be a the top of your list.

... don't worry, I won't judge you for perving on Jessica Rabbit.

... it's not a question of where, but when?

As my loyal (and sexy) followers will know today marks the start of my classic retro movie reviews, so you might wonder why I've chosen to review a movie that isn't old enough to be considered retro (1998) or good enough to be considered classic? 'Cus I can that's why, besides I fucking loved Lost in Space when it came out.

For those few of you that haven't seen this movie, the storyline is based around a now burnt-out and resource less Earth society who send a top scientist and his family on a ten year trip to the nearest habitable planet to supervise the construction of a 'hypergate'. As is usual in movies, this never went as planned because of 'terrorists' and they end up *drumroll* Lost in Space.

The key problem that irritated me in this movie (aside from the poor acting) is the apparent lack of any real drama. By this I mean that no matter what goes wrong they always have some sort of eccentric way round it, so when the peril comes about instead of getting all tense and exited (as with most movies) you just end up wondering what ridiculous plot hole they are going to use to counter the problem. Examples include:

Robot programmed to kill - Find handy remote for robot

On crash course with sun - Fly though sun at hyperspeed

Robot [without remote] programmed to kill - Use power of love

Family dies in space crash - Reverse time on that bitch

As a matter of fact one of the characters in this movie full on dies three times and is still alive when the credits role thanks to these plot holes. My wife also said that Lacey Chabert had an irritating voice and that she should hurry up and die, which she did [twice], but if a woman can increase her hotness from a four [click to see] to a straight up nine [click to see] in a only few years then she can do whatever she wants.

... but it does have a kick ass theme tune.

....it'll put hairs on your chest

I haven't had a chance to watch any new movies or play any new games on account of my hectic weekend, although I did see Burke and Hare at some point over the weekend but I wasn't really paying attention to it. Tonight I plan on having a retro film night with my wife so be prepared for some serious nostalgia in next review. Do any my sexy followers have any retro movie suggestions for me to add to the playlist?

Until then I'll just leave you with my favorite Robot Chicken sketch. Enjoy.

.... Yours Sincerely,  Dr. Trouser Snake

[Watch This Space II]

Sorry I haven't had chance to put a new post on either of my blogs or check out any of my followers as I had to go up up to the antenatal ward with my wife because our doctor sent us for an emergency ultrasound. Turns out everything is okay but it's better to be safe than sorry.

Will be getting back to my normal blogging self by the end of tonight, but until then I'll leave you with this track that I found on one of my old CD's which is still fucking awesome!

...born to fertilise!

.... and I didn't even prepare a speech

Award or Perfume?

I don't know about everybody else but I just find award shows to be the most tacky sickening thing on TV, especially when you add the likes of James 'The Fat Twat' Cordan [click the link]. I guess what I'm trying to say in my own special way is, did anybody else watch the BRIT awards?

Award shows are bad enough without having to invite Americans along to pretend they care that they've been nominated for a BRIT award. Now don't get me wrong I haven't jumped on the 'lets all hate America' bandwagon which seems to be very popular nowadays, but I just don't see why the likes of Rihanna and Justin Bieber would come all the way down here to see artists they've never even heard of get an award they only found out exsisted ten minutes ago.

The other thing that irritated me is that in an attempt to try and gather some British pride they got Dame Vivienne Westwood to design the award, which was a stupid idea really given that Vivienne Westwood is a designer of 'punk' clothing, resulting in an award that looks like a bottle of Geri Halliwell perfume.

What I can say about us British is that we know how to put on a show, even if you're not a fan of Plan B or Tinie Tempah you should watch the videos to the end just to see how over the top our award ceremonies are:

Plan B at the BRIT Awards '11

Tinie Tempah at the BRIT Awards '11

... God save The Queen?