Guess who's back?

My face has finally gone back to it's regular shape and colour (more or less) so I'm back. It would have been sooner but, whilst recovering, my laptop decided to stop working and my bike refused to work; but then you know what they say about bad things coming in three? I think I'm due a good thing.

I did try updating my blog through my [very old beat down] phone but I was half way through writing a blog post using only predictive text when I got a phone call, which immediately deleted my progress. It is at this point I vowed to never do it again. Now as I have a lot of catching up with my followers blogs to do, I will keep this short and sweet (keeping in mind that most of my week was spent trolling my facebook friends out of boredom using my phone).

My Week in Brief:

March 1st - Got into a big debate with feminists [lesbians] about how the EU have now made it illegal for women to be charged less car insurance purely because they are statistically better drivers. Typical women, only wanting 'equal rights' when it suits them.

March 2nd - I got to miss my team Aston Villa (soccer team for US followers) get battered by Man City in the FA Cup. Not because I thought they were going to lose, rather because I spent the best part of 2 hours at a outdoor train station during a  -4'c British winter night because of train drivers going on strike.

March 3rd - Spend all day talking to my mates about just how boring our foreign minister's voice is and how it was almost hypnotic listening to him talk about the situation in Libya. If you think you know somebody with a more boring voice then YouTube William Hague and listen to how wrong you are.

March 5th - Left the house with all the ambition of playing football (soccer) but instead spent all day with my mates getting drunk and playing Xbox. I then systematically went through everyone of my FB friends depressing statuses to let them know just how much they suck for using facebook as a means to spread their passive aggression an suicidal tendencies.

March 6th - Declared war on the word 'Chillax'; who decided that the hybrid word for relaxing and chilling should be 'chillaxing'? I wasn't consulted on this decision, I propose we flip it and instead use the word 'relilling'. Let us stand up my brothers and sisters to end the tyrannical reign of chillax!

March 7th - Went to a dentist appointment but woke up with some wicked morning breath. I tried to help out my dentist by spending the best part of an hour gargling mouthwash and got a little bit drunk and had minty farts all day. My wife also set up the blog 'In Words' out of boredom so you should check it out.
  ...and the winner for 'Best Response To Me Being Battered With A Knuckleduster" goes to:

Gouyixia, with " +5 ATK, +2 DEX".