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.... you laugh, you win?

I really did want to get back to writing reviews, but it's just so hard when I've not seen or played anything worth reviewing. I was going to continue with my retro movie reviews but got distracted again, saw some pretty butterflies and ended up watching all the Star Wars movies. What's my point you ask? Oh, there isn't one.

What is relevant though is that I am a man (physically not mentally) of my people and I had various requests for another [amazing] ''Top 5' post. Ask and you shall receive....

5 More Songs To Make You Smile

1.  Like A Boss - This isn't the most famous song by The Lonely Island, but it's my favorite. With an added bonus for all you stoners Seth Rogen fans. 

2.  How To Kill A Brand - An old one but still one of my all time favorites. ADVISORY:  NOT SUITABLE FOR PS3 FANBOYS.

3. The Mysterious Ticking Sound - It takes a while to kick in but is perhaps the weirdest song ever made. As if that wasn't enough, its sang by puppets!

4. Fuck Her Gently - I was spoilt for choice when I decided to put a Tenacious D song on the list with the likes of Tribute and Wonderboy, but I decided to go with this sound piece of advice instead (Google almighty wouldn't let me upload official video).

5. Bohemian Rhapsody (Muppets) - You name me one thing that can't be made more awesome with Muppets?.... Can't do it, can you!

...soon I'll be able to make a Top 5 of my Top 5s.

.... and they say I'm easily distrac-

Today I was stuck between either reviewing James Camerons's Sanctum 3D or Clint Eastwood's Hereafter, but decided not to. My reason for this?

Well, I read an article stating that in ten years time movies and games will cease to be physically released and will only be available digitally though YouTube and others like it, so I thought "why bother?", got distracted and decided to go a little of topic (as I often do), so at the risk of becoming 'another generic embedded video blog' I present to you:

My Top Five Songs That Make Me Smile

1. I'm on Crack - This band, The Left Rights, actually went and made an entire album, even though I've heard the song a million times I can't sit all the way through this video without at least [crack]ing a smile.

2. Let's Fighting Love - Any South Park fans will instantly know this song which is made even funnier with the actual lyrics. Any anime fans will also recognise the go to  [entirely Japanese with a few select English words] theme song used in almost every anime ever made.

3. I Like Dogs - This dude likes to tell people whats on his mind without sugarcoating it, and what on his mind right now you ask?... Two dogs is what.

4. Leo Strut - I spent three days walking around my office like this and singing this song, now nobody likes me.... totally worth it.

5. I'm Gary Oak - Fuck ash I'm Gary Oak Motherfucker! [nuff said]

...  Taisetsu Na Mono, Protect My Balls!

.... shunning political correctness since 1988

Well I'm back from my holiday, where have I been? Absolutely nowhere.

I've never understood people who take time off from their regular lives and only end up doing the same things they would have done anyway, so when I booked my two weeks off work to go on 'holiday' I only ever had one intention; doing fuck all for as long as I wanted. Whilst on my 'holiday' I stopped doing the following things:

  • Shaving and grooming of any other variety
  • Using the Internet (including blogging)
  • Traveling further than a two minute walk.
  • Cooking of any kind whatsoever
  • Masturbating (leaving my wife's ladybits very sore indeed)

Hell, I even tried being less cynical than I usually am but it's hard to remain positive when you've got your (usually lovely) wife breathing down your neck about having to make you beverages every twenty minutes and being 'sexually assaulted', like that somehow isn't what god intended. Either way I'll shall be catching up with all my sexy followers and their sexy blogs as of

"Let your women keep silent, for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but [they are commanded] to be under obedience, as also saith the law." -Corinthians 14:34 - 35*

Guess who's back?

My face has finally gone back to it's regular shape and colour (more or less) so I'm back. It would have been sooner but, whilst recovering, my laptop decided to stop working and my bike refused to work; but then you know what they say about bad things coming in three? I think I'm due a good thing.

I did try updating my blog through my [very old beat down] phone but I was half way through writing a blog post using only predictive text when I got a phone call, which immediately deleted my progress. It is at this point I vowed to never do it again. Now as I have a lot of catching up with my followers blogs to do, I will keep this short and sweet (keeping in mind that most of my week was spent trolling my facebook friends out of boredom using my phone).

My Week in Brief:

March 1st - Got into a big debate with feminists [lesbians] about how the EU have now made it illegal for women to be charged less car insurance purely because they are statistically better drivers. Typical women, only wanting 'equal rights' when it suits them.

March 2nd - I got to miss my team Aston Villa (soccer team for US followers) get battered by Man City in the FA Cup. Not because I thought they were going to lose, rather because I spent the best part of 2 hours at a outdoor train station during a  -4'c British winter night because of train drivers going on strike.

March 3rd - Spend all day talking to my mates about just how boring our foreign minister's voice is and how it was almost hypnotic listening to him talk about the situation in Libya. If you think you know somebody with a more boring voice then YouTube William Hague and listen to how wrong you are.

March 5th - Left the house with all the ambition of playing football (soccer) but instead spent all day with my mates getting drunk and playing Xbox. I then systematically went through everyone of my FB friends depressing statuses to let them know just how much they suck for using facebook as a means to spread their passive aggression an suicidal tendencies.

March 6th - Declared war on the word 'Chillax'; who decided that the hybrid word for relaxing and chilling should be 'chillaxing'? I wasn't consulted on this decision, I propose we flip it and instead use the word 'relilling'. Let us stand up my brothers and sisters to end the tyrannical reign of chillax!

March 7th - Went to a dentist appointment but woke up with some wicked morning breath. I tried to help out my dentist by spending the best part of an hour gargling mouthwash and got a little bit drunk and had minty farts all day. My wife also set up the blog 'In Words' out of boredom so you should check it out.
  ...and the winner for 'Best Response To Me Being Battered With A Knuckleduster" goes to:

Gouyixia, with " +5 ATK, +2 DEX".