... it's not a question of where, but when?

As my loyal (and sexy) followers will know today marks the start of my classic retro movie reviews, so you might wonder why I've chosen to review a movie that isn't old enough to be considered retro (1998) or good enough to be considered classic? 'Cus I can that's why, besides I fucking loved Lost in Space when it came out.

For those few of you that haven't seen this movie, the storyline is based around a now burnt-out and resource less Earth society who send a top scientist and his family on a ten year trip to the nearest habitable planet to supervise the construction of a 'hypergate'. As is usual in movies, this never went as planned because of 'terrorists' and they end up *drumroll* Lost in Space.

The key problem that irritated me in this movie (aside from the poor acting) is the apparent lack of any real drama. By this I mean that no matter what goes wrong they always have some sort of eccentric way round it, so when the peril comes about instead of getting all tense and exited (as with most movies) you just end up wondering what ridiculous plot hole they are going to use to counter the problem. Examples include:

Robot programmed to kill - Find handy remote for robot

On crash course with sun - Fly though sun at hyperspeed

Robot [without remote] programmed to kill - Use power of love

Family dies in space crash - Reverse time on that bitch

As a matter of fact one of the characters in this movie full on dies three times and is still alive when the credits role thanks to these plot holes. My wife also said that Lacey Chabert had an irritating voice and that she should hurry up and die, which she did [twice], but if a woman can increase her hotness from a four [click to see] to a straight up nine [click to see] in a only few years then she can do whatever she wants.

... but it does have a kick ass theme tune.