Latter on I shall be reviewing which ever movie I end up watching in the cinema after spending my hard earned money feeding the corparate machine. "You're not forever alone, Obiwan?" I know that it makes sense that I would be because of the sattire and general distain for human life, but what can I say, chicks dig bastards and I am most definately a bastard.
Until that time I'm going to give you my
'Love of Profit' article about the real valentines day from my other
more-formal blog, and if you're feeling that down then you can at least look at
this very pretty blog and pretend that somebody loves you....
Love of Profit
Why do we celebrate Valentines day? Every year on February 14th I tell all those close to me the real story behind Valentines day only to be told that I am a 'misery-arse' and that I need to 'cheer up'. This year is my first year with a blog so with this post I aim spread my message of hostility all over the world.
The Original Valentines Day:
Although Saint Valentine was a real person who lived during the 2nd century, Valentines day is not actually named for him. Instead 'Valentine' is a pseudonym for all unknown Christian martyrs used by Pope Gelasius in 496 in implementing a day to remember the fallen Christian soldier, so in reality when you're asking somebody to 'be your valentine' you are actually asking them to give their lives for a noble Christian cause. This is still well known in the Catholic church which is why in 1969 Pope Paul VI, appalled with the commericailisation of this historic day, ordered the removal of Valentines day from the Christian Calender.
How it all went Wrong:
As I mentioned Valentines day was never about love, so how did it become so? Well the first recorded incident of a Valentines day day as we know it today was during the English Renaissance, where world renown poet Geoffrey Chaucer wrote
'Parlement of Foules' which reads; "For this was Saint Valentine's Day, when every bird cometh there to choose his mate".
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Google's Valentine Logo
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Valentines Day as We Know It:
Although Chaucer had wrote this poem, it was still only the upper class and social elite who were even aware of his work, so at what point did it become the Valentines day you and I celebrate? Well believe it all not Valentines day wasn't publicly known worldwide until the early 19th century. Valentines day only became so popular after the boom of the UK's greeting card industry in the late 18th century and was created to fill gaps in profit between Christmas and Easter, a trend which quickly spread across Europe and to the US.
So there you have it, although the Romans first created Valentines day, it was an Englishmen who first made it about romance, and the British who made it about profit. Every year the profit form Valentines day trade increases with last year totaling £1.3 in the UK alone, with traditional cards going out of fashion in lieu of bigger more expensive gifts (mostly perfume or jewelry).
-Profiteering or innovation at it's best?
-Who is to blame? The companies or the suckers who are willing to pay?
.
is one of the all time great movies and was one of the first movies to bridge the gap between the normal Hollywood movies of its day and the cartoons which were tremendously popular in the late eighty's.
This movie wouldn't have been anywhere near as good if it wasn't for Bob Hoskins and Christopher Lloyd, not to mention Charles Fleischer who manages to make Rodger Rabbit hilarious without having to rip-off any other well known cartoons. If you've already seen this movie I hope this review will tempt you into watching it again, and if you haven't seen this movie then this should be a the top of your list.
As my loyal (and sexy) followers will know today marks the start of my classic retro movie reviews, so you might wonder why I've chosen to review a movie that isn't old enough to be considered retro (1998) or good enough to be considered classic? 'Cus I can that's why, besides I fucking loved Lost in Space when it came out.
at some point over the weekend but I wasn't really paying attention to it. Tonight I plan on having a retro film night with my wife so be prepared for some serious nostalgia in next review. Do any my sexy followers have any retro movie suggestions for me to add to the playlist?
sketch. Enjoy.
and Justin Bieber
would come all the way down here to see artists they've never even heard of get an award they only found out exsisted ten minutes ago.
to design the award, which was a stupid idea really given that Vivienne Westwood is a designer of 'punk' clothing, resulting in an award that looks like a bottle of Geri Halliwell
perfume.
or Tinie Tempah
you should watch the videos to the end just to see how over the top our award ceremonies are:
's new song is and how my music is just people screaming. This came as a surprise to me partly because my sister stopped eating something for long enough to form a coherent sentence, but mostly because in this day and age people still think that they can accurately predict what music somebody listens to based on their attire alone. It is for this reason I give you a follow up to my Top 5 Bands That Deserve To Be Massive Aren't with my:
- This band have had a lot of coverage locally but never really managed to make it mainstream. Enter Shikari have released 2 albums since forming in 2003 and even reached the number 16 in the UK album charts.
- This band has been going for over twelve years and are currently working on their 4th album. As with Enter Shikari, Kasabian have been quite popular in the UK for some time but have never really made it anywhere else.
- The Kills are a hybrid American/British band with a female lead singer, since forming they have produced three albums and have had one of their songs feature on the official soundtrack for The Losers
- Out of New York City, The Rapture have been making 'dance-punk' music for almost 13 years. I hadn't even heard of this band my self until one of their songs was chosen as the theme to perhaps the greatest television show ever made. 
. Voicing Paul is long time stoner and comedian, Seth Rogen, who has also ditched his 'Monsters vs Aliens' humor in lieu of a more 'Pinapple Express' take.
As well as the amazing line up, this movie is also steeped in classic nerd nostalgia and without giving away the story line I counted many references to Men in Black
, Back to the Future
, Alien
, E.T
, and Indiana Jones
as well as many, many references to Star Wars .
, which is about a thief who attempts to rob a valuable jewel from a booby trapped house when he thinks all the residents are out, so basically Home Alone.
- This band have been around for over twelve years and have worked with the like of Gorillaz, Klaxons, Franz Ferdinand and Goldfrapp. Even with over 3 unique albums and over 20 remixes the word Metronomy only seems to cause confusion when uttered.
- BYOP is a girl fronted punk band out of Nashville, Tennessee although they were first signed under a British record label. Unfortunately this band split up after their final tour of England in 2008, but lead singer Jemima Pearl released her solo album 'Break it up' the following year.
- This band make 'New Rave' music under their own record label 'Surface Noise Records' and have released 2 albums since forming in 2006 with a third on it's way shortly. This band deserves an extra bit of respect as New Rave is hard to pull of without it sounding like noise.
- I was unsure about putting Magnetic Man in as they alrady have a very strong fan base, so even though their success has been minimal they have already completed a sell out UK tour. Although small right now I'm sure Magnetic Man will be massive.
- This band is a Canadian electronic band and was one among many bands that took off during the MySpace phenomenom in the early 21st century. Since then Crystal Castles have become known for their 'chaotic' live shows and have thus earned some well deserved acclaim in the British indie culture.
The intention for this post was to review Paranormal Activity II
in my usual satirical way, however in order for me to be able to do this I would actually have to watch more than fifteen [painfully boring] minutes of Paranormal Craptivity II. Unfortunately I lack the masochistic tendencies required to do this, so instead I shall be reviewing I Spit on Your Grave
.
I thought I would stir things up this time and write a review about something that is fairly new and has received quite a bit of prestige in the media. Now this leaves me with two choices; the Black Swan or The King's Speech. One of these movies is about some spoilt bitch who is constantly whining about being unable to perform properly, and of course the other is the Black Swan. Black Swan it is then. 
