.... as seen on the interwebs.

The intention for this post was to review Paranormal Activity II in my usual satirical way, however in order for me to be able to do this I would actually have to watch more than fifteen [painfully boring] minutes of Paranormal Craptivity II. Unfortunately I lack the masochistic tendencies required to do this, so instead I shall be reviewing I Spit on Your Grave.

'I Spit on Your Grave' is a movie which is exactly as nice as it sounds and for those of you unfamiliar with 70's Grindhouse thrillers (those of you with lives),  it is a remake of a 1978 movie by the same name where a sexy woman (for whatever reason) decides it would be a good idea to go and live alone in the middle of the forest packing only sexually provocative clothing and a lifetime supply of wine. Now back in the 70's mainstream violent movies like this were rare which is why it was banned from public release, but now we're in the twenty first century and I think the producers are fed up of watching [for lack of a better word] 'movies' like Saw and Hostel and decided to show them how rape and torture should be done.


The remake has lost a lot of it's Grindhouse feel but it still obeys the same go-to grindhouse story line:

1. Men fuck with Woman's head.
2. Men rape Woman
3. Men leave Woman for dead.
4. Woman not really dead.
------------------------------------
5. Woman fucks with Men's heads.
6. Woman tortures Men.
7. Woman leaves Men for dead.
8. Men are really dead.

Would have shouted spoiler alert but I don't pretend to live in a society which is going to watch this film for it's 'storyline', you're are going to watch it for the rape and torture scenes just like I did.

It's hard to watch movies from on top of a pedestal anyway....